its gonna be hard

and perhaps that is what has been stopping me up until now. I'm afraid that I'll have to work hard forever, like with my last business, where I never felt I could switch off, for fear of dropping the ball.

But now I have to work hard to get something off the ground instead, and work hard to set it up so that I can move on and enjoy my creative projects as a priority.

That is worth doing, and yes it's gonna be hard work - but fun enjoyable work, not the hard slog and resistance I experience daily at my job.

It is worth it.

Simplicity

There is so much i want to change in my life this year, none more than my career. But it's important to make sure there is focus in all areas, so that there isn't an imbalance of perspective - which i am definitely suffering from now.

So if career is number 1, what is number 2? Of equal importance I see health, finances, and adventure.

I want to feel stronger, fitter, healthier.
I want to feel like we have financial freedom, eg no debt...
I want to travel, and see other countries.

Mostly, I want to simplify my life. I feel so caught up in complications all the time, and feel like my attention is constantly spinning from priority to priority - with nothing making any headway, and I'm still achieving nothing.

Today is the first day I vow to give up coffee. I no longer want to blow $30 a week on this habit/ritual. And it's hard - and it's gonna get harder...

I see it not only as a health benefit, but a step in the right direction to simplifying my life. I realise that I don't hold money in high regard, it isn't one of my values, because I believe you can have a wonderful life with less, not with more.

but yet day to day i struggle because i can't afford to do anything, and i feel like i'm further behind from my dreams because my bad finances hold my back. i have no freedom because of my obligations...

and i have to work hard to remove the obligations so i can have the freedom to do nothing. it just doesn't make sense.

Just another writer

I lost my 'new' notebook yesterday. Somehow managed to leave it on the bus. In realising it however I wasn't overly upset.

My husband said it was sign, to move onto other things, but I think instead, it was a sign that my writing is completely useless if it is in a notebook, because I'll never find the time to type them up and let them go live online, or I will never write them up as my e-book that will help release me from the working life I'm so unhappy in.

I need to do my writing/journaling, it's my way of processing, but I'm less inclined to bitch and moan if I do it blog style...

I have to do something big in my life this year - I deserve it. I have to take big risks this year - I deserve it. And I can no longer set myself up to be the victim in life. I've got to fucking stand up and take charge.