falling short

it's been a year since i first read 4 hour work week, and again, I disappoint myself, by getting so easily distracted by my life, and the daily frustrations of where i'm at.

i get even more frustrated by the universe telling me "to get the job you'll really love, you have to love the job you already have". I HATE my job, and the personal pressures, and the underlying b*tchiness everyday, and the feeling of failure i have from not being able to cope with it all.  I don't want to be there, and nothing will change that. I don't want to have to manage others performance, and be responsible for their results, because at the end of the day, i want to just be in control of myself - and i don't feel like i am.

I try to make decisions that will push me forward to where i want to be, but i just feel like i'm lagging behind and getting no-where.  i have so far to go.

i keep falling short of where i want to be, and this year has been another prime example. but what do i do now?  i'm in an even worse financial situation than before, and so completely reliant on my job to get by.  but i can't do it anymore, and i can't waste energy finding another job. i've had it with being employed - i want to be engaged by my work, and passionate - but with age i'm losing all sense of what that is anymore.

tim ferris, i'm taking a chance on you this time around. i'm going to follow your advice with faith, and belief in the stories i've read of others having similar success, and getting to where they want to be quickly.

in four weeks time i will be in a different place (and i don't just mean in another country on a holiday...)