fallen off the wagon

I feel a bit like I've lost control the past few weeks.

I've lost focus & routine of some of the things that matter in my life, like writing this blog, & taking photos everyday.

But in the interim, I've developed habits that I can't let go of, most importantly, walking home from work everyday, and making lunch at work to save money. Things that consume my previously creative time.

So how can I find more time in the day, when I just want to fit more and more things in? I'm frustrated by having to be at work, when the boredom of retail could be filled with the creativity of experimentation, and building a business that I really want to work on.

Working in a 'factory' environment limits my ability to build in flexibility & also to change my financial situation - which needs to be improved.

The roadblock I've hit has pushed me off track, but it's not a hopeless situation. As a factory worker, I can put no energy or emotion into a job, and still get it done. I have to save my energy and focus for working on what I so desperately want to create in my life, which is more important everyday.

conundrum

under no illusion

sometimes the actual reality of a situation is the hardest thing to face.

The world is filled with illusions. The reality of what a product is, where it's manufactured, how bad it is for you, the fake-ness of it's status position - all an illusion created by marketing, and successful brand positioning.

But if we believe it enough, the illusion is our reality. And we make it real by living it.

This goes for belief in a product and how it 'changes' us if we own it; and most importantly how we 'market' our own stories to ourselves.

This can go both ways - in the lies we tell ourselves so we don't have to face our reality (fears), or in how we can alter our reality by changing the stories we tell ourselves, so we can face our fears.

Is it therefore possible to change your situation by selling your story in the most positive light to yourself? Or would this just be creating more illusion?

tenacity

I've learnt something about myself the last few days.

I woke up Monday morning, having made the decision to do something about my expanding butt, and packed my bag full of sweats - to walk home from work that night.

I figured it was time to test - would it be quicker to go to the gym next to work, and catch the bus home; or would it be quicker to walk the 7.2km uphill journey home.

Naturally due to the cost of joining the gym, I thought I'd test the latter option first - at the lower price of a cold nose.

I must admit, it wasn't easy - not the first time, or on Tuesday night with a aching knee, or on Wednesday night with terrible shin splints. But I did it. Against all the odds of my demon telling me to give up half way and catch the bus, or that it'll rain, or that I'm sooo tired I just want to get home asap. I did it, and I'll do it again on Friday, and for 4 nights next week. and the week after, and the week after. This is it now - this is my new routine.

I've become so aware of my demons as I walk along - sans iPod - because all I have to listen to is my mind talk. And as I fight against the pessimism, and self-doubts, and negativity that conjures up many reasons that I will fail at this thing also - I fight the good fight, and arrive home successful.

and with all awareness, I know that this fight is one I will face everyday for the rest of my life - no matter what the situation, but I have more of an understanding of not accepting defeat, and fighting to the death - as I know it will get easier as the balance of power leans my way.

climb every mountain

Some things can seem impossible. But then we read about someone else doing it, and it apparently it's plausible.
We don't think we could ever lose those 20 kgs we need to - and then we see someone else eating healthy & doing exercise everyday.
We could never leave our job, and start our own business - it would be crazy and irresponsible - and then we meet someone else who has built an empire from scratch.
We could never fit everything into the day that we want to do - it would be way too much work, exhausting - and then we watch someone transform their life by putting in the time and energy.
The mountains can be transformed into molehills if we make the choice to view them that way.
Nothing is impossible if you focus only on what you can do now, and taking that next step (no matter how small) on your way to the top - really, how else do you think they summited Everest?