tenacity

I've learnt something about myself the last few days.

I woke up Monday morning, having made the decision to do something about my expanding butt, and packed my bag full of sweats - to walk home from work that night.

I figured it was time to test - would it be quicker to go to the gym next to work, and catch the bus home; or would it be quicker to walk the 7.2km uphill journey home.

Naturally due to the cost of joining the gym, I thought I'd test the latter option first - at the lower price of a cold nose.

I must admit, it wasn't easy - not the first time, or on Tuesday night with a aching knee, or on Wednesday night with terrible shin splints. But I did it. Against all the odds of my demon telling me to give up half way and catch the bus, or that it'll rain, or that I'm sooo tired I just want to get home asap. I did it, and I'll do it again on Friday, and for 4 nights next week. and the week after, and the week after. This is it now - this is my new routine.

I've become so aware of my demons as I walk along - sans iPod - because all I have to listen to is my mind talk. And as I fight against the pessimism, and self-doubts, and negativity that conjures up many reasons that I will fail at this thing also - I fight the good fight, and arrive home successful.

and with all awareness, I know that this fight is one I will face everyday for the rest of my life - no matter what the situation, but I have more of an understanding of not accepting defeat, and fighting to the death - as I know it will get easier as the balance of power leans my way.