Day 2: Escape Plan

today I choose freedom. I'm not going to stay within the boundaries of my usual self, i'm breaking 'the rules' and taking bolder steps to set myself up for where i am going, not where I've been

have re-focused my energy from what I want to escape 'from', to what I want to escape 'to'...

as i update, my never updated profile on LinkedIn, I question - what do I put in the heading description for myself?? I immediately type in 'retail professional' but realise that is bloody crazy - it's absolutely not my future...

'entreprenuer' has become a little trite in my world - want to go something larger like 'change agent' but don't like the ego behind it. 

Perhaps something more honest like 'escape artist' is necessary at this point, but I want to help encourage others on the path that i'm on.

'freedom seeker' too political...

'adventurer' is closer to my heart - as i feel right now i seek to absorb myself in the adventure of freedom.  an adventurer faces fear to chase their dream, and that is what i'm doing now.

Irrational or just plain crazy?

What is one thing you have always wanted to accomplish, but have always been afraid to pursue?

this writing challenge had me stumped, and procrastinating, and I think there are a number of reasons why...

If I sit down and begin to write all the 'crazy' things that I want to accomplish in my life, not only will I be overwhelmed by the 'impossibility' of it all, but I'll begin crying for the lost years of my life in which I could have already spent doing them if I knew that I was actually able to complete everyone of them if I applied myself.

I guess all is not lost, even though my aspirations go as grand as winning an Academy Award (no I haven't even done acting courses yet), and as small as writing and editing my own quarterly magazine, there is still time to acheive at least one of these fabulous goals every year until I die (some years I may have to do a few more, and sell the incredibly successful businesses I have created in the previous year) - nothing is impossible...

But narrowing it all down to one goal for this year? - a fear in itself, but absolutely necessary to focus my energy in the right place without distractions - my crazy goal for this year is to get our business to a point of positive cash flow, and to increase it's online sales to $500 a week.
There - I've said it, and it's public.

The obstacles in my way are potentially  all just in my head - as I'm only limited by my self doubt. But realistically - I haven't put much thought into the obstacles.

Some are completely just out of my control: people are saving more money than ever, and others are easy enough to work through: the lack of correct SEO on our online store...

But I have a starting point - I've actually got a crazy plan and aspiration to focus on - I've chosen one, the most important one, and the goal that I have to greatest opportunity to achieve this year.

Preparation to live - or the last days to come alive

A 'funny' terminology - 'preparing to live' - I had to read it twice until I understood.

Where in my life am I preparing to live? I was a little surprised to discover, that I'm 'preparing' in almost every part of my life.

I work most of my waking hours in a uninspiring day job, to earn money so that I can pay off debts, save money, and put it into our business. In slow and 'responsible' preparation for making it big, and eventually making enough to pay myself a salary, and quit 'uninspiring day job'.

I do have a responsibility to earn a steady income - so a means to overcome this dilemma, and make progress in living my life now: draw up a clear and achievable plan for earning an independent income through our business, and focus on this as the number one priority for the next 6 months - cash flow, cash flow, cash flow (and I mean in, not out...) This will improve my present situation by giving me the opportunity to work and focus on our business as the 'most' important thing in my life, and I'll instantly be able to 'work' as the creative and inspiring person that I want to be.

In conjunction with all this is my strong desire to travel, and using the saving, business, etc as a preparation for being able to afford to move overseas, and/or travel as much as I'd like to travel. Right now I could change this feeling of longing for something better, by actually beginning to really plan and begin to work out all that would be involved with moving overseas.

Really, so much would have to be done before we could logistically move, and now is really the time to create the lists of all that will need to be done, and begin to gather all the necessary information, documentation, quotations, and locations for our move. This would inspire me so much to follow through with all our plans, and work smart towards fulfilling this dream.

And lastly, my health. I'm constantly working on getting my body not to hurt in my injury prone painful joints, that I'm just preparing for a time when I feel 100% so that I can exercise as much as I want to. I think it's time to just exercise as much as I want to, and find the exercise methods that will keep me interested, having fun through the pain, and keeping it diverse and entertaining, so I don't get bored and give up.

Right now, I can include different things in my life - even if it begins as just an hour a week - it's more than what I make time for now. I have to keep a list of things that are different for me to do, and mix it up every week, because even though I tell myself, 'I want to work in a job that allows me to sleep till 7, and go for a run along the beach every morning' - I know that it would last maybe 2-3 weeks, and I'd be bored, and thinking of excuses not to do it everyday, until I lose all interest.

A lot to work on - now focus is needed to complete the said lists, and plans (uninspiring job is good for one thing), and begin action plan - keyword 'action'...

to Travel, or not to Travel, that is the question

From a very young age, I made a pact with myself that I would see every country in the world before I died. It was on my 'bucket' list...

I now see myself as having potentially already lived half of my life, and I'm not even close to having seen 5% of the world yet.

Would I settle for just seeing a little bit more? I'm not so sure I can honestly answer that question, now that I'm older, have watched a lot more news and current affairs shows that build fear in my mind about the risks of travelling to unfamiliar countries. The fear has become disillusionment at my original desire to know and understand all cultures, and experience how all societies live, so that I can see the true reality of our world.

But still, I want to see that, and know that, and feel that essence of the life of the world in me.

I want to see every country in the world...

The next step for me now is to determine how I could possibly do that, as the harsh reality of how far away Australia is from almost every part of the world, and how expensive that makes overseas travel.

But reality aside, I want to see the beauty of.... (at least 20 answers run through my mind in a confusion of trying to name just one) India, the Himalaya's, the Amazon River, more of Mexico, New York at Christmas, Paris in spring time, Japan during Cherry Blossom season, Amsterdam, Peru, Nepal, New Orleans, Africa, the Eskimos, Mongolia, Spain, Turkey, and my list will go on for as long as I have a map in front of me...

Now to the real question of today's writing challenge - What will I do to make sure I get there???

It's time to stop the confusion, and start the action of at least planning a list of exactly what I might want to do in my top 10 countries, then I can start researching what will be plausible in the next 12 months.

A starting point of first steps is what is needed to begin the journey that may take me the rest of my life to complete - will keep you posted :)

One strong belief

Article 1: Universal Declaration of Human Rights: All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. (They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.)

I don't believe in revenge. (a strong belief in itself)

Maybe it is because I haven't ever been put into such a situation of extreme anger, and desire for retribution...

but I believe it is because I don't think anyone can ever ever truly understand the real reasons that someone might do something that is viewed as 'bad'.

I know that I seriously put myself up for attack when I say, that even the most crazed of evil killers is born an innocent child, has a mother who loves them, a sweetheart that see something beautiful in them, a family who look up to them, and friends who care deeply for them.

Just as in the reverse, people who are considered 'pure' and 'godly' by some, are feared as evil by others.

I'm driven to defend this view point - and would passionately if challenged, because as human beings we are all born equal, and it is the circumstances, and environment, that we are brought up in that changes and shapes us into who we become as adults.  The way we each independently (or not so much when exposed to media etc) choose to form opinions, and judgements about another person, are simply based on our own interpretations of the information that is put in front of us. We all make a conscious or unconscious choice how to see the people and personalities around us, and how to act & react to them - based purely on our own experiences of life. It is a universal human fault.

Everyone's interpretation is based purely on their own story, or the story that has been told to them. We are all in the same situation. We all have a choice how to view the world, and the human beings in it.

We are all human beings, born free and equal in dignity and rights.

tenacity

I've learnt something about myself the last few days.

I woke up Monday morning, having made the decision to do something about my expanding butt, and packed my bag full of sweats - to walk home from work that night.

I figured it was time to test - would it be quicker to go to the gym next to work, and catch the bus home; or would it be quicker to walk the 7.2km uphill journey home.

Naturally due to the cost of joining the gym, I thought I'd test the latter option first - at the lower price of a cold nose.

I must admit, it wasn't easy - not the first time, or on Tuesday night with a aching knee, or on Wednesday night with terrible shin splints. But I did it. Against all the odds of my demon telling me to give up half way and catch the bus, or that it'll rain, or that I'm sooo tired I just want to get home asap. I did it, and I'll do it again on Friday, and for 4 nights next week. and the week after, and the week after. This is it now - this is my new routine.

I've become so aware of my demons as I walk along - sans iPod - because all I have to listen to is my mind talk. And as I fight against the pessimism, and self-doubts, and negativity that conjures up many reasons that I will fail at this thing also - I fight the good fight, and arrive home successful.

and with all awareness, I know that this fight is one I will face everyday for the rest of my life - no matter what the situation, but I have more of an understanding of not accepting defeat, and fighting to the death - as I know it will get easier as the balance of power leans my way.

climb every mountain

Some things can seem impossible. But then we read about someone else doing it, and it apparently it's plausible.
We don't think we could ever lose those 20 kgs we need to - and then we see someone else eating healthy & doing exercise everyday.
We could never leave our job, and start our own business - it would be crazy and irresponsible - and then we meet someone else who has built an empire from scratch.
We could never fit everything into the day that we want to do - it would be way too much work, exhausting - and then we watch someone transform their life by putting in the time and energy.
The mountains can be transformed into molehills if we make the choice to view them that way.
Nothing is impossible if you focus only on what you can do now, and taking that next step (no matter how small) on your way to the top - really, how else do you think they summited Everest?

keep on keeping on

sometimes we have to accept that failure is always a possibility.

having had a couple of 'blue days' this week, overwhelmed by a sense of failure for where I am in life. I realise that it is not me that is the failure, just that the methods that I have been using to do things does not work as I intended, or had hoped; or that the decision I made was just badly chosen.

but there are always other methods. what I do have is the capacity to keep going.

sometimes I do wish that someone could just feed me the answers to the questions that life presents, but then I guess I wouldn't learn anything from my mistakes.

I've always held in high regard that I am a 'virgo', astrologically a 'perfectionist', but this is a major curse in my aged eyes, because it doesn't allow me the space to fail and recover. To have such grand delusions of one-self is not always a bad thing - it could give confidence and undying self belief, but currently it offers me a struggle of not being good enough to impress myself.

so ego bruises, as self expectations are not met, and the realisation that as my harshest judge, I am holding myself back from achieving what I am able to achieve. mindfully this awareness can help to loosen up my ego, and draw me closer to valuing most the experiences that I have, not my critical perception of the outcomes...

something more positive is on the horizon

rubber plant genes

Things won't always work out the way you want them to.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it is the truth.

there are infinite variables in life that we have no control over, we can hope and dream about an outcome - but not actually be able to, with certainty, determine how it will all turn out.

the best we are able to do is focus where there are things we can control - like our own behaviour, mental attitude, and physical effort.

unfortunately however, no matter how much we are nice to someone, or we try good naturedly to influence their decisions or get them on our side - not everybody will like you. and even all amounts of effort to build something, or develop something, or put your idea out there - sometimes it just won't work. Our dreams may just not be our destiny in the way we originally think they are.

the key to survival in this world, is to build flexibility into our plans. Have a dream, but base it on the feelings, emotions, lifestyle you may want - not on specific ways of getting there. If we hold too tightly onto the methods of achieving our goals, then we set ourselves up for disappointment, and potentially for a feeling of failure that could make us want to quit.

If you relish the infinite opportunities that are available to you on your way to greatness, then you'll bounce back with greater ease when things don't go your way.