re-think the goal

I've been challenged, and have discovered I am focusing on the wrong thing in my quest for career fulfillment.

My drive has been all about money -and the need to earn more, so that we can have the freedom we want. So in every search, the focus hasn't been on 'what', but on 'how much'.... no wonder, I've had no success in getting anywhere.

So, what do I really want in my new job, so that I feel I am contributing to society, having an impact on individuals, and improving the business I work for?
*I want to help people realise and live their dreams.
*I want to create beautiful things, that inspire others to be creative.
*I want to challenge social norms, hierarchies, and fears.
*I want to show the people I love, that it is possible to live the life that you want, by doing it myself.
*I want to meet interesting people all over the world, and learn their languages, discover their cultures, and explore their countries - so as to develop a knowledge and understanding of who they are that bridges the gap between societies, and cultures, eliminating prejudices, and persecution.

Quite the big dream... 

Day 7: Fire Up

What is your call to action?

Is it a particular song, or chapter in a book? Is it the thought of going to work tomorrow, beginning another week of 'same-old'?

Or do you have to wait until the pain caused by the desire for change, finally exceeds the pain of taking the risk to change?

Some days I feel like I'm there, I'm ready. It's these days I have to make the most of. Until they become the dominant way of life for me.

Day 3: decision time

I want to be an author.

I also want to be an actor, and a world traveller.... But right now I feel my energy being pulled toward writing.

This is quite exciting for me because for so long I've just felt lost, but I feel a clear direction now.

I have a wonderful opportunity to have the life that I want - which is to be able to nurture all my passions at the same time, working on different things everyday, and feeling excited and interested in everything that I'm doing.

When I now stop and think, 'i just need the money to do it', I feel the little voice inside me say 'it's for those people who are brave enough to give up everything to pursue their dreams, that the universe puts in place all that they need so they cannot fail'...

Day 2: Escape Plan

today I choose freedom. I'm not going to stay within the boundaries of my usual self, i'm breaking 'the rules' and taking bolder steps to set myself up for where i am going, not where I've been

have re-focused my energy from what I want to escape 'from', to what I want to escape 'to'...

as i update, my never updated profile on LinkedIn, I question - what do I put in the heading description for myself?? I immediately type in 'retail professional' but realise that is bloody crazy - it's absolutely not my future...

'entreprenuer' has become a little trite in my world - want to go something larger like 'change agent' but don't like the ego behind it. 

Perhaps something more honest like 'escape artist' is necessary at this point, but I want to help encourage others on the path that i'm on.

'freedom seeker' too political...

'adventurer' is closer to my heart - as i feel right now i seek to absorb myself in the adventure of freedom.  an adventurer faces fear to chase their dream, and that is what i'm doing now.

Day 1: Get me outa here

Okay, so I know that focusing on how much you 'hate' something is not the way to find a way out - but I do feel a certain sense of urgency to leave my current toxic work situation. ASAP...

So what have I done today to do just that, well, I've emailed a friend to ask about temp jobs, and I received a delivery of books I ordered from the 'largest river in the world', and have been distracted by my desire to sink my teeth into them since.

I will not go to bed tonight until i have done something more forceful to move me to freedom.

Irrational or just plain crazy?

What is one thing you have always wanted to accomplish, but have always been afraid to pursue?

this writing challenge had me stumped, and procrastinating, and I think there are a number of reasons why...

If I sit down and begin to write all the 'crazy' things that I want to accomplish in my life, not only will I be overwhelmed by the 'impossibility' of it all, but I'll begin crying for the lost years of my life in which I could have already spent doing them if I knew that I was actually able to complete everyone of them if I applied myself.

I guess all is not lost, even though my aspirations go as grand as winning an Academy Award (no I haven't even done acting courses yet), and as small as writing and editing my own quarterly magazine, there is still time to acheive at least one of these fabulous goals every year until I die (some years I may have to do a few more, and sell the incredibly successful businesses I have created in the previous year) - nothing is impossible...

But narrowing it all down to one goal for this year? - a fear in itself, but absolutely necessary to focus my energy in the right place without distractions - my crazy goal for this year is to get our business to a point of positive cash flow, and to increase it's online sales to $500 a week.
There - I've said it, and it's public.

The obstacles in my way are potentially  all just in my head - as I'm only limited by my self doubt. But realistically - I haven't put much thought into the obstacles.

Some are completely just out of my control: people are saving more money than ever, and others are easy enough to work through: the lack of correct SEO on our online store...

But I have a starting point - I've actually got a crazy plan and aspiration to focus on - I've chosen one, the most important one, and the goal that I have to greatest opportunity to achieve this year.

to Travel, or not to Travel, that is the question

From a very young age, I made a pact with myself that I would see every country in the world before I died. It was on my 'bucket' list...

I now see myself as having potentially already lived half of my life, and I'm not even close to having seen 5% of the world yet.

Would I settle for just seeing a little bit more? I'm not so sure I can honestly answer that question, now that I'm older, have watched a lot more news and current affairs shows that build fear in my mind about the risks of travelling to unfamiliar countries. The fear has become disillusionment at my original desire to know and understand all cultures, and experience how all societies live, so that I can see the true reality of our world.

But still, I want to see that, and know that, and feel that essence of the life of the world in me.

I want to see every country in the world...

The next step for me now is to determine how I could possibly do that, as the harsh reality of how far away Australia is from almost every part of the world, and how expensive that makes overseas travel.

But reality aside, I want to see the beauty of.... (at least 20 answers run through my mind in a confusion of trying to name just one) India, the Himalaya's, the Amazon River, more of Mexico, New York at Christmas, Paris in spring time, Japan during Cherry Blossom season, Amsterdam, Peru, Nepal, New Orleans, Africa, the Eskimos, Mongolia, Spain, Turkey, and my list will go on for as long as I have a map in front of me...

Now to the real question of today's writing challenge - What will I do to make sure I get there???

It's time to stop the confusion, and start the action of at least planning a list of exactly what I might want to do in my top 10 countries, then I can start researching what will be plausible in the next 12 months.

A starting point of first steps is what is needed to begin the journey that may take me the rest of my life to complete - will keep you posted :)

15 minutes to live

does it all just come down to this
it is hard to believe, as i close my eyes that there won't be anything else. but god? heaven i don't believe despite a catholic upbringing, that there really is anything else other than what we have here on earth.
so what does that make me in death. nothing?
is it really possible that life is all there is? of course it is, but that shouldn't mean that death is something to fear, unless of course it has been life that you've feared.
if I had children, in my last 15 minutes I might tell them to be strong, and to know that i'll always love them. if...
if i had someone close to me that might listen, i would tell them not to fear life, but to live it, for i haven't to the best of my ability.
don't do anything unless it is something that will make you happy, don't do things because you feel obliged to, don't live someone else's life, live your own.
but then some do's -  do love unabashedly and shamelessly, without fear, because it is the only true emotion and the only way to freedom, is to just love your life, and believe that no matter what you will always be okay.
there is nothing that can bring you down except for your interpretation of your circumstances. create the interpretation that you want to. don't see everything as pessimistic, there is opportunity in all circumstances - 'good' or 'bad'.

the labels we have always given things - our whole lives through are completely meaningless in the end. don't believe those who teach you these labels, or give you these labels.
the only thing that is real is now.
i could muse over all the mistakes that i've made, but instead i'm going to take this moment to learn from them. take the lessons to the next life, not take with me the regret i've sometimes felt in life.
regret can be a powerful thing, if it instigates and creates change, but a horrible thing to carry with you. learn from the mistakes you've made, and don't ever repeat them again.
i want to begin my next life with the refreshment of awareness, but perhaps this isn't possible.

life is seeing the sun rise on a beautiful clear morning, with the cool sand between my toes, the fresh sea air in my nose, and the warm sun on my face. i love you xxx

tenacity

I've learnt something about myself the last few days.

I woke up Monday morning, having made the decision to do something about my expanding butt, and packed my bag full of sweats - to walk home from work that night.

I figured it was time to test - would it be quicker to go to the gym next to work, and catch the bus home; or would it be quicker to walk the 7.2km uphill journey home.

Naturally due to the cost of joining the gym, I thought I'd test the latter option first - at the lower price of a cold nose.

I must admit, it wasn't easy - not the first time, or on Tuesday night with a aching knee, or on Wednesday night with terrible shin splints. But I did it. Against all the odds of my demon telling me to give up half way and catch the bus, or that it'll rain, or that I'm sooo tired I just want to get home asap. I did it, and I'll do it again on Friday, and for 4 nights next week. and the week after, and the week after. This is it now - this is my new routine.

I've become so aware of my demons as I walk along - sans iPod - because all I have to listen to is my mind talk. And as I fight against the pessimism, and self-doubts, and negativity that conjures up many reasons that I will fail at this thing also - I fight the good fight, and arrive home successful.

and with all awareness, I know that this fight is one I will face everyday for the rest of my life - no matter what the situation, but I have more of an understanding of not accepting defeat, and fighting to the death - as I know it will get easier as the balance of power leans my way.

climb every mountain

Some things can seem impossible. But then we read about someone else doing it, and it apparently it's plausible.
We don't think we could ever lose those 20 kgs we need to - and then we see someone else eating healthy & doing exercise everyday.
We could never leave our job, and start our own business - it would be crazy and irresponsible - and then we meet someone else who has built an empire from scratch.
We could never fit everything into the day that we want to do - it would be way too much work, exhausting - and then we watch someone transform their life by putting in the time and energy.
The mountains can be transformed into molehills if we make the choice to view them that way.
Nothing is impossible if you focus only on what you can do now, and taking that next step (no matter how small) on your way to the top - really, how else do you think they summited Everest?

keep on keeping on

sometimes we have to accept that failure is always a possibility.

having had a couple of 'blue days' this week, overwhelmed by a sense of failure for where I am in life. I realise that it is not me that is the failure, just that the methods that I have been using to do things does not work as I intended, or had hoped; or that the decision I made was just badly chosen.

but there are always other methods. what I do have is the capacity to keep going.

sometimes I do wish that someone could just feed me the answers to the questions that life presents, but then I guess I wouldn't learn anything from my mistakes.

I've always held in high regard that I am a 'virgo', astrologically a 'perfectionist', but this is a major curse in my aged eyes, because it doesn't allow me the space to fail and recover. To have such grand delusions of one-self is not always a bad thing - it could give confidence and undying self belief, but currently it offers me a struggle of not being good enough to impress myself.

so ego bruises, as self expectations are not met, and the realisation that as my harshest judge, I am holding myself back from achieving what I am able to achieve. mindfully this awareness can help to loosen up my ego, and draw me closer to valuing most the experiences that I have, not my critical perception of the outcomes...

something more positive is on the horizon

rubber plant genes

Things won't always work out the way you want them to.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it is the truth.

there are infinite variables in life that we have no control over, we can hope and dream about an outcome - but not actually be able to, with certainty, determine how it will all turn out.

the best we are able to do is focus where there are things we can control - like our own behaviour, mental attitude, and physical effort.

unfortunately however, no matter how much we are nice to someone, or we try good naturedly to influence their decisions or get them on our side - not everybody will like you. and even all amounts of effort to build something, or develop something, or put your idea out there - sometimes it just won't work. Our dreams may just not be our destiny in the way we originally think they are.

the key to survival in this world, is to build flexibility into our plans. Have a dream, but base it on the feelings, emotions, lifestyle you may want - not on specific ways of getting there. If we hold too tightly onto the methods of achieving our goals, then we set ourselves up for disappointment, and potentially for a feeling of failure that could make us want to quit.

If you relish the infinite opportunities that are available to you on your way to greatness, then you'll bounce back with greater ease when things don't go your way.