having had a couple of 'blue days' this week, overwhelmed by a sense of failure for where I am in life. I realise that it is not me that is the failure, just that the methods that I have been using to do things does not work as I intended, or had hoped; or that the decision I made was just badly chosen.
but there are always other methods. what I do have is the capacity to keep going.
sometimes I do wish that someone could just feed me the answers to the questions that life presents, but then I guess I wouldn't learn anything from my mistakes.
I've always held in high regard that I am a 'virgo', astrologically a 'perfectionist', but this is a major curse in my aged eyes, because it doesn't allow me the space to fail and recover. To have such grand delusions of one-self is not always a bad thing - it could give confidence and undying self belief, but currently it offers me a struggle of not being good enough to impress myself.
so ego bruises, as self expectations are not met, and the realisation that as my harshest judge, I am holding myself back from achieving what I am able to achieve. mindfully this awareness can help to loosen up my ego, and draw me closer to valuing most the experiences that I have, not my critical perception of the outcomes...
something more positive is on the horizon
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